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Sometimes Things Don’t Go Your Way

This is the title to a song by H.E.R. that I’ve got on repeat right now which has never been more true than during a Mercury Retrograde which is taking place until April 25. 

 

The intention of a retrograde is to get us to understand that no matter how much we plan, or hope, or anticipate how things are going to go, they won’t. All of this is in the spirit of helping us go with the ebb and flow of life, which can be challenging in general, but especially if you come from trauma.


I write explicitly about the power of minding and managing our emotions in my book, Me Too: A Therapist’s Journey to Heal, Find Libration, & Joy. The reason why this is so important, especially during a retrograde, is because all kinds of things are inevitably going to go awry.


Communication gets murky.

Emails get lost.

And sometimes commitments that individuals make to you, instantly change.


Yesterday, that’s exactly what happened to me. Although I expected this person to support me in the way they claimed they would for a project that is deeply meaningful to me, they changed their mind. And I’m not going to lie, it hurt. In fact so much so I cried and really struggled to make sense of their actions in the midst of this commitment to me.


I could have told myself a false narrative about why they changed their mind (like I’m not important to them for example), but that wouldn’t have been fair because the truth is, this person has supported me on several occasions, but they could not support me in this way. The tension between understanding their perspective and what their role in the project meant to me created severe conflict in myself.


Once I honored the grief that came up in the midst of me having to figure out another pathway, then I could reflect on what this meant to me. The silence that followed allowed me to not just to honor myself, but their truth as well. This not only helped me get the story right but learn an invaluable lesson in the process.


Which was this...


People can’t always support you in the ways you would like them to, in the ways perhaps you need them most. That doesn’t mean the support isn’t there though.


People can only support us to the level of their own healing. If we can accept the positions of people, and the way they have the capacity to support, then we can clear the energetic space we need to accept what is. And meet people in love in the process.


Once I got to that place, I had the bandwidth necessary to start again. To reimagine what could be in spite of the fact this support wouldn’t be there.


Life is going to throw all kinds of curve balls at us that at times seemingly come from nowhere. The more we can ebb and flow with those unexpected changes, the easier it is to get back to our highest selves.


So what are you waiting for?!?! Pick up your copy today so you can not only be inspired to go with the flow, but be given the practical tools to do so.


And feel free to reach out to me here anytime to explore ways we can help you ebb and flow through your life.


Cheers to accepting what is,

 

Demarra West

Founder

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